In this activity, you will evaluate an essay in terms of the four bases of unity, support, coherence, and sentence skills. Evaluative comments follow each supporting paragraph in the essay below. Circle the letter of the one statement that applies in each case.

Question

My Parents’ Vulnerability

As I’ve watched my parents get older, my perception of them has completely changed. Our roles seem to be reversing. They were once the strong ones, and I was the dependent child. But now they sometimes turn to me for help, and I feel they are no longer as powerful as I thought they were. In many ways, my parents are now very weak. This shift has forced me to confront an uncomfortable truth. As people age, they become increasingly vulnerable and susceptible to danger.
For one thing, my parents are more vulnerable than ever to money problems. They live in a mobile home park; they bought their trailer with the savings they managed to accumulate over the years. My parents worry that the rent for their lot will go up again, as it has in the past. They also worry about the rumor that the park is being sold and all the tenants may be evicted; they know they cannot afford to move on their social security income and my father’s small pension. A car problem can be big trouble for my parents, too. Because they live on a very tight budget. An unexpected car repair can mean that they must cut back on food and other essentials. Since my parents walk a financial tightrope, they are liable to be badly hurt at any time.

a. The paragraph contains an irrelevant sentence.
b. The paragraph lacks key supporting details at one spot.
c. The paragraph lacks transitions.
d. The paragraph contains a run-on and a fragment.

In addition, my parents are vulnerable to health problems. My mother has always had problems with her inner ear, and this affects her sense of balance. Her dizzy spells are more frequent now, and we are thus concerned that she may fall and break a leg or hip. She is also susceptible to bronchitis and flu. As she gets older, every episode seems to get worse and to leave her weaker than ever. My father’s health problems are even more severe than my mother’s. I know that either one of my parents could become terribly sick at any moment.

a. The paragraph contains an irrelevant sentence.
b. The paragraph lacks key supporting details at one spot.
c. The paragraph lacks transitional words.
d. The paragraph contains a run-on and a fragment.

Finally, my parents are very vulnerable to dishonest people and others who want to do them harm. Last year, for example, while my parents were at the supermarket, someone broke into their trailer and stole their television. The police told my parents that burglars like to prey on old people because they can’t fight back. Burglars have even been known to take advantage of people with disabilities for the same reason. In addition, some people have tried to use my parents for their own gain. A salesman almost talked them into signing an expensive contract for lawn work they didn’t need. Another time, one of my teenage cousins tried to borrow three hundred dollars from them, claiming he wanted to buy a car. He really wanted the money to buy drugs to sell.

a. The paragraph contains an irrelevant sentence.
b. The paragraph lacks key supporting details at one spot.
c. The paragraph lacks transitional words.
d. The paragraph contains a run-on and a fragment.

In conclusion, my parents seem to need more protection now that they are older. They can be easily hurt by money troubles, health problems, and unkind people. Seeing them falter in their old age has prompted me to rethink my notions of “aging with grace” and commit myself to helping this vulnerable population. Though I wish I could singlehandedly protect them from the difficulties they confront, the perils faced by our elder population must be answered by the culture at large. Together, we must rethink the way we treat and ignore elderly men and women—like my parents.

Answer 1

1. d. The paragraph contains a run-on and a fragment.
2. b. The paragraph lacks key supporting details at one spot.
3. a. The paragraph contains an irrelevant sentence.