Explain how you might use the conflict management skills of managing emotions, information, goals, and problems in the following situation: You and your roommate agreed on a schedule and responsibilities for chores. At first, all went well. Gradually, though, things have started to change. Now your roommate has left dishes in the sink for three days and hasn't taken out the trash in a week. The bathroom is a mess. You can't take it anymore; you are furious. You've let it slide long enough and decide to let her know how you feel.

Question

What will be an ideal response?

Answer 1

(student responses may vary.) The first thing to do is to manage your emotions. You don't want to confront your roommate when you're this worked up. Leave the apartment, take a walk, and cool down. Spend a little time talking to yourself. Maybe something is going on you don't know about. When your roommate comes home, indicate that there are some things you want to talk about and ask about a convenient time to get together. Once the meeting is arranged, give some thought to what you want to say and how you want to say it. What do you want to accomplish? You might want to talk with another friend to help clarify the issues. If there is no one else to talk with, write down some of your ideas to help clarify the issues.

When you do talk with the other person, keep your emotions under control. If you feel yourself getting angry and tense, deliberately relax or take a break. Speak in a calm and natural manner. Whatever you do, avoid personal attacks, name-calling, and threats. Don't dredge up grievances from long ago, but keep focused on the issues at hand. When you begin to talk with your roommate describe what is bothering you as clearly as you can. Start at the beginning and move to the present. Make sure your roommate understands what it is that is bothering you. Be sure to use "I" statements, listen carefully, and check your perceptions often. When your roommate is talking, give him or her your full attention and do your best to understand his or her position. Use paraphrasing that reflects content and feelings to make sure you understand and respond appropriately. You may have clarified your goals earlier, but as you talk and listen, your goals may change. Be sure to clarify not only your own goals but also those of your roommate, and try to discover any shared goals you might have.

As you discover shared goals you build the basis for a possible solution to the conflict.
If you have clarified both your goals and your roommate's, and have identified some shared goals, you have begun the process of defining the problem. Once you have a sense of what the problem is, you can begin to analyze the symptoms, effects, and obstacles that affect your ability to resolve the conflict. You may discover other problems that lie below the surface and need to be addressed.

Once you have a good grasp of the problem, work with your roommate to generate objective criteria to help evaluate and choose a solution. Then generate as many possible ways to solve the problem as the two of you possibly can. Brainstorming might be a useful technique. Once you have generated a number of possibilities, check them against your criteria and pick the alternative or alternatives that best meet your goals.