Lynda and Phil have been married for ten years, and still find themselves having a heated argument at least once a week. They're worried that this means their relationship is not as solid as it should be. They think that if they were truly committed to one another, they wouldn't have arguments. It also worries them that even when they try to work things out when they're arguing, sometimes they just can't come to an agreement. Basically, they think that a good marriage doesn't have conflict; that conflict is negative and should be avoided at all costs. Explain to Lynda and Phil which myths about conflict they seem to share and why they are myths.

Question

What will be an ideal response?

Answer 1

- First, Lynda and Phil should know that conflict is present in all interpersonal relationships. Lynda and Phil seem to share the following myths about conflict:
- Myth 1: Conflict is always a sign of a poor interpersonal relationship. On the contrary, it is a normal part of any interpersonal relationship and the free expression of honest disagreement is often a sign of a healthy relationship.
- Myth 2: Conflict can always be avoided. It can't. Conflict is inevitable and occurs in every relationship. In fact, Lynda and Phil have less conflict than many couples, who, on average, have some kind of disagreement about twice a week. What's important is not how much conflict they have but how they deal with it.
- Myth 3: Conflict always occurs because of misunderstandings. Some of their conflicts may result from misunderstandings, but most likely they do understand each other. Their problem is that they disagree about whose goal is more important. In those cases, disagreement, not lack of understanding, is the source of the conflict.
- Myth 4: Conflict can always be resolved. On the contrary, sometimes people just have to agree to disagree.