Revise the following sentences to conform to standard business communication principles. Add appropriate details as needed to complete the ideas. a. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for your participation in our focus group last week. b

During the year 2011, the Smith Corporation bought a new building for the amount of $15 million. c. If we do not plan ahead for national security, past history will repeat itself again with severe consequences. d. Each and every customer receives a free gift when opening a checking account. e. The new sick-leave policy was implemented due to the fact that several employees were abusing the privilege. f. In the event that the customer makes a payment in the amount of $500, the company will not report her to a credit agency. g. We held a meeting yesterday so Terry could make a demonstration of the new computer system. h. After the dean made an analysis of the college's budget, the department chairs came to an agreement on how to decrease expenditures. i. There are fewer than 500 people who are admitted to the nursing program per year.


a. Thank you for participating in our focus group last week. ("I'd like to take this opportunity to" is a trite expression.)
b. During 2011, the Smith Corporation bought a new building for $15 million.
c. If we do not plan for national security, history will repeat itself with severe consequences. ("Plan ahead," "past history," and "repeat again" are redundant phrases.)
d. Every customer receives a gift when opening a checking account. ("Each and every" and "free gift" are redundancies.)
e. The new sick-leave policy was implemented because several employees were abusing the privilege.
f. If the customer pays $500, the company will not report her to a credit agency. ("In the event that," "makes a payment," and "in the amount of" are wordy expressions.)
g. We met yesterday so Terry could demonstrate the new computer system. ("Held a meeting" is wordy, and "make a demonstration" is a hidden verb.)
h. After the dean analyzed the college's budget, the department chairs agreed how to decrease expenditures. ("Made an analysis of" and "came to an agreement on" are hidden verbs.)
i. Fewer than 500 people are admitted to the nursing program per year. ("There are" is an expletive.)

Business

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