In the context of the idealized self-image, describe the tyranny of the shoulds
What will be an ideal response?
ANS: Horney argued that all of us, normal or neurotic, construct a picture of our selves that may or may not be based on reality. Neurotics, who experience conflict between incompatible modes of behavior, have personalities characterized by disunity and disharmony. They construct an idealized self-image for the same purpose as normal people do: to unify the personality. But their attempt is doomed to failure because their self-image is based on an illusion, an unattainable ideal of absolute perfection.
In attempting to realize this unattainable ideal, neurotics engage in what Horney called the tyranny of the shoulds. They tell themselves they should be the best or most perfect student, spouse, parent, lover, employee, friend, or child. Because they find their real self-image so undesirable, they believe they must live up to their illusory, idealized self-image, in which they see themselves in a highly positive light, for example, being virtuous, honest, generous, considerate, and courageous.
In doing so, they deny their real selves and try to become what they think they should be, or what they need to be to match their idealized self-image. However, their efforts are doomed to failure. They can never achieve their unrealistic self-image and end up in a state of self-hatred with no ability to forgive themselves or others.
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