Your friend is struggling with her adolescent son. They seem to be in a battle of wills constantly. What advice should you give to her?
What will be an ideal response?
Her son is in a phase of development where the major task is to establish autonomy. As he tries to do this very normal thing, it creates the battle of wills she is experiencing. Encouraging her to see that he views their conflicts as an infringement on his personal rights, while she sees it as an opportunity for training in social conventions will help frame her understanding of this conflict. She will also benefit from trying to balance emotional support to him as he makes decisions with giving him freedom to make a final decision. She should be encouraged to present him with multiple acceptable alternatives and then guide him through the decision process rather than try to impose decisions upon him. In this way, she can scaffold the development of autonomous decision-making skills, gradually removing guidance as she sees his maturity emerging. This approach is known as promotion of volitional functioning (PVF).
Another strategy is to involve her son in the decisions about what rules will be enforced around the house. She should definitely continue to have rules, but he should be included in the discussions related to his self-governance.
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