Anna did not want to tell her parents that she took a part-time job during her freshman year in college. Her parents were concerned about her academic and social adjustment to college, so they told her not to work until her junior year. Anna, however, wanted some extra spending money in college, and it seemed everyone else in her residence hall had a part-time job. She applied and was hired as a

Question

part-time waitress at a local restaurant near campus. Anna liked her boss, the hours and tips were good, and she found she could keep up with her school work if she worked only ten hours per week. All was going well until late October when the restaurant's main water pipe broke and the restaurant needed to close for a few days. In the manager's attempt to reach Anna and warn her about the sudden closure, he called her parents' phone number (the listing for emergency contacts) and talked to Anna's mother. Anna's secret was out. Her mother immediately called Anna and asked, "Is there something you think you should tell me?" How common is Anna's behavior, and should her mother be worried about her relationship with her daughter?

What will be an ideal response?

Answer 1

Anna's behavior is fairly typical of late adolescence and emerging adults. Because her mother did not come right out and ask, "Do you have a job?" Anna may rationalize that she is not lying to her mother. Certainly some adolescents lie to their parents, but more often they avoid full disclosure. The lack of disclosure does not necessarily mean that there is a problem in the adolescent-parent relationship. Anna's behavior could probably be described as failure to disclose (or secrecy). Her mother should not be overly concerned or feel a threat to their parent-daughter relationship. Adolescents are more likely to avoid full disclosure (rather than lying) when they have a secure and harmonious relationship with their parents. In such cases, the parents are typically authoritative parents with a supportive but firm parenting style. (Secrecy and lying are more often involved when adolescents fear their parents.) Adolescents typically want to avoid conflict, so they make some decisions without full disclosure. The decision to withhold information is typically based on the adolescents' perception of parents' right and authority to regulate their behavior in a given situation. Even in good, strong, loving parent-child relationships, adolescents often withhold information. Most adolescents feel obligated to disclose information and activities for which they perceive the parent has legitimate authority to regulate. Both adolescents and parents perceive that teenagers are obligated to disclose behavior that affects one's safety, comfort, or health, but view as discretionary the disclosure of information pertaining to personal issues, such as what they spend their money on or how they spend their time.