Imagine a scenario in which a couple is experiencing conflict over one partner's large credit card bill. Using two of Gottman's four negative conflict behaviors, describe how the couple might respond to this conflict, and a likely result

Question

What will be an ideal response?

Answer 1

Answer: Sample student response must include two of these four behaviors: criticism, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling.

Criticism relates to negative communication that attacks or complains about the relational partner's personality or character rather than his/her behavior that bothers you. A productive critique of specific behavior can turn this into positive and healthy behavior.

Contempt is negative communication that attacks or tears down the partner's self-worth with the intention of insulting or psychologically abusing her/him. This behavior is usually extremely harmful to the relationship and partners, especially if done repeatedly and publicly.

Defensiveness occurs when you start to see yourself as the victim and deny responsibility. This behavior allows the partners to deny responsibility or avoid acknowledging their role in the conflict.

Stonewalling usually comes after the cascade of the other three and is the withdrawal from the interaction or, potentially, the relationship to avoid conflict. Simply put, it is refusing to interact. If stonewalling persists, the relationship will suffer. Gottman found that if women use stonewalling, it was a significant predictor for divorce.