What are the "four horsemen of the apocalypse?" Provide a description and example for each of them

Question

What will be an ideal response?

Answer 1

The "four horsemen of the apocalypse" are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Criticism involves attacking a partner's personality. For example, one might say, "You never think about how your behavior is affecting other people. I don't believe you are that forgetful; you just don't think about me."

Criticism often leads to defensiveness as one attempts to protect his or her identity by making excuses, cross-complaining, disagreeing, etc. For example, a defensive exchange might unfold as follows:
Jeremy: I feel frustrated when you leave the dishes in the sink for days because I can't make dinner for us.
Stacy: It's not my fault they sit for days! Can't you see I am working lots of hours and simply don't have any time to do them.

Contempt includes behavior that is designed to insult and psychologically harm one's partner. For example, one might say, "You are a sorry excuse for a girlfriend/boyfriend. You are lucky I put up with you because no one else would."

Finally, stonewalling occurs when one or both partners stop communicating, refusing to respond to each other's communication efforts, and withdraw from the interaction. Partners may think that they are trying to be "neutral" but stonewalling conveys disapproval, icy distance, separation, disconnection, and/or smugness. For example, one might ask their spouse to help do the dishes and the spouse might respond by stonewalling when he/she ignores the request, refuses to respond, increases the volume on the TV, and continues to watch the television show.